I have not discussed this with anyone but my doctor has diagnoed me with Traumatic Grief and PTSD caused by the sudden death of a loved one. 

I don’t want to take medication although i have been given it but not yet taken any. I am a strong believer in trying to get through things without any medication, and never even take a headache tablet unless i am really in bad pain. I am having counselling which does seem to help and i am trying to keep myself busy.

So far i have had counselling, been to Spain by myself because Terry loved it there so much and we went at least three to four times a year.

I have read books on grief. I am starting coffee morning at Fairhavens Hospice where Terry had a stay when he was very ill. I am also starting on the 2nd May, Care and Share Club where all the people there have lost a loved one.

There is not a day goes my when i don’t think of Terry and i have cried everyday for the last 7 months, and i am sure i will cry for many more days, months or even years. When the tears come there is no stopping them, no matter where I am or what I am doing. 

When Terry was ill i walked around Canvey Island crying all the time, i am sure people used to talk about the mad women up the town who was always crying. I had to cry when i was out, because when i was in with Terry i had to be brave and not let him see me cry.