Terry passed on the 21st December 2018 – now i had to get through Christmas and get myself into the new year.

Christmas Eve
I had been sick every day since Terry passed and today was no differnt. I
had arranged to meet my sister and family at Southend seafront to
collect my mum, who was going to stay with me Christams Eve, and them i
was taking her to my sisters on Christmas Day. I got to Southend and was
being sick in my car, when my sister pulled up, i somehow got myself
together and took my mum to the Harvester for a meal, then home. How i
got through that day i don’t know.

(I should mention my poor mum
only lost my stepdad in May, Terry and myself were in Spain when it
happened. So she is still mourning herself. Sometimes I feel bad I feel
like she had to put aside her mourning, when Terry got ill and then
passed. It was kind of like I took over her grief)

Christmas Day
I took my mum to my sisters and we had dinner there, but i sat in the
lounge most of the day until I came home, really should have stayed at
home really. All the family were there I tried to put on a brave face
but it was so hard.

Boxing Day
My granddaughter Missie was
18 so I went to my son’s for dinner. The family were there and it was a
lovely day, but once again couldn’t wait to get home and cry.

New Years Eve
I went to Panto with my daughter and grandson, sister, husband and their
grandchildren. Then went with my sister and husband to a friends house. I
wanted to go home but my sister said “Oh come they really want to see
you, and you have to see them at sometime.” So off we go, it was fine
and lovely to see everyone but I left at 10.30pm and came home.

Guess what I came home and cried myself to sleep.  What a Christmas, one to forget.