I went to see my  counsellor Debbie on the Wednesday and was in quite a bad way, really cried for the whole hour.

I told Debbie that I nearly booked a weekend to Spain by myself a few times, but each time stopped myself in case I regretted it after.

Debbie asked me why I wanted to do that, and I explained I am going to Spain in April with family and friends (21 of us) and feel I needed to go back to the places Terry and I loved and went to all the time, before I went with everyone else. Debbie said well do it you are a strong women and will be fine.

When I got home I called by son and spoke to him, he said “Mum I think you should do it” he even paid for me to go. Bless him.

I went on the 26th February 2019 – My friend Denise took me to the airport.

I got there on the Tuesday afternoon and unpacked then I went for a long walk, I thought of Terry for the three days I was there 24/7, but did not cry. I visited all the places we loved – went to the market like me always did. I walked so much by the last day my legs ached.

On the last night I got in the lift to go up to the room – the lift had a big mirror at the back – I turned and looked in the mirror and burst out crying, I got to my room and sobbed I didn’t sleep that night.

But I must say I was glad I went, I never spoke to a soul for three days – walked for miles – sat in the sun in the afternoons – I am not sure how much good it did me but it certainly did me no harm.

I needed that time alone.